Understanding Alabamer

LOL! I couldn't help it. I got this email today and just laughed to myself. For those of you who may read my blog from other states, if you have never been to Alabama...this can sum it up for you. I laughed because I understood most of them! ha ha! Enjoy YALL!

First you must learn how to pronounce the major cities...Burminham; Huntsvul; Mobeeeel

Driving Information:

Alabama has its own version of traffic rules. The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. Note: Blue-haired ladies driving anything have the right-of-way anytime.

To find anything in Burminham, it is required that you know where Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It may be one of only two 'cloverleaf formation' interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again Atlanta -- making them only a wee bit dumber than we are.

The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If the term 'merging delays' is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least)rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.

You must know that 'I-459,' 'I-59,' 'I-20,' and 'I-65' are the same road.They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other's path. We think this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.

Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won't be pleasantly going anywhere else.

Construction is a permanent fixture in Alabama. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a little more interesting.

If someone has their turn signal on, wave them over to the shoulder
immediately to let them know -- you can be sure it was 'accidentally activated'. (Saw this happen this morning)

The minimum acceptable speed on 'I-65' (see above) is 85 mph.Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is also Alabama's state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR --especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be 'flipped a bird' accordingly. (So true!)

Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming from north of Burminham, she might be packing. If she is coming from south of Burminham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.

Weather Information:

If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it's 10-20 degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Burminham residents consider this 'demolition derby' day and will be all over the roads(front ways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could be the next target.

Seasonal Information:

If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring. (True! But I still love my leather)

If you need to let the car 'get some air' while standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer. (Do this all the time or crack the windows to let it escape all day.)

If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall.

If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.

General Information:

Do not ever speak during the song 'Sweet Home Alabama' unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn't show 'proper respect' to the band who gave us Free Bird (My senior class song). This is especially true if alcohol is present (notice I didn't say 'sold at this event,' but 'present').

Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city of Burminham. It's not that funny to us anymore, and by now we're used to it.



If you ask someone for a 'coke,' they will often ask you, 'What kind?' This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer, etc.,
it is all 'coke'. (Yep - do it every day)

All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you are in a Chinese restaurant or have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line . (My coffee is just as sweet - 5 spoons of sugar for one cup)

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. (Here is even more of an example.)

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 of them live in Alabama.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra. (My parents do!)

'Fixinto' is one word. (Say this all the time!)

There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.

We do like a little tea with our sugar! (And coffee)

Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.

DGeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?' (Also, Kyle's granddaddy's saying: If yur late, ya dun ate! ha!)

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. (Daily at work.)

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes. (Guilty! I cannot judge distance for anything.)

You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day. (Going through this at home right now. No wonder my utility bill is so high.)

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car. (Guilty - have some in the trunk now, but I am hoping for someone else's car one day.)

There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup. (Check)

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday. (I am pretty sure daddy takes off for this.)

100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm'.

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time. (I hate Wal-Mart, but I go weekly just about.)

Fried catfish is the other white meat. (According to D)

We don't need no stinking driver's ed ... if our mama says we can drive, we can drive. (Used to drive big black bessy in the pasture before I was old enough to drive or would sit in mom or dad's lap to "drive" down the road - Lord they would get arrested for that these days.)

Driving and Moving

Ahhhhh...what a tiring weekend. I got to leave work early Friday to go judge a dance team tryout in McMinnville, TN. Kristen was already a member of this company, but she needed some dance team help. Since I danced in high school and professionally in Huntsville, she asked me could I help. I asked one of my old friends Jennifer to help out too. It was a 2 hour drive from the arsenal. Jennifer met us on the way and rode with us. The tryouts started at 4:30. We had no idea what to expect, but they actually had some pretty good girls. There were 24 of them trying out. They got to do something I had never done before was to do their own dance as part of the tryout. The school paid a choreographer to come teach them individual dances. They were all dressed differently, did different styles of dance, and different kinds of music. It made it tough to judge them against one another, because it was pom, lyrical, and hip hop. We were all so nervous to judge. You don't realize how hard it is to judge someone 1 out of 10. You feel horrible to judge them lower than a certain amount. We got to take a break and go eat at chicken salad sandwich in the back while they changed into matching outfits. They did a clinical dance that was the same for everyone. As soon as they finished that, they had to do their technical stuff. They had a lot of technique on the team. There were probably only 3 that didn't make the team. It was so much fun though. It was a fun girl trip ride up there and a fun to judge.

I then stayed the night with Kristen Friday night. So, that was a 3 hour ride home because Arab is 45 minutes from the arsenal. Whew! That's a lot of driving. We stayed awake for a while and finally crawled in bed at midnight. We had a big day coming up with moving. Josh was sweet enough to let me sleep with Kristen so that we could watch TV. I was knocked out. Kristen was over there with her happy eye pillows. We got up around 7:15 Saturday and began the move. I got to meet Teri's husband Thomas for the first time. I felt like I knew him already from all the pictures I've seen. Kristen, Teri, and I had a good time despite all the moving. We went and recruited boxes from grocery stores. We found that it didn't pay for us to ask girls. They were not as willing to give us boxes as the guys. ha! We loaded the SUV with all the boxes and tried to find a way to sit. We packed and moved until about 5:30 when I headed home. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I will let Kristen tell that story if she wants to. The house did smell like a massive moth ball. It was awful! We finally located them under the house. There were hundreds in the crawl space. Gross! Why would someone ever do that?? I would rather have a snake than that smell. I think we took care of it the best with could with lots of Air Wicks and Febreeze. Even though we were working, I still had a good time. It was the first stn party I had with Kristen and probably the longest I've gotten to spend with her. I tell her all the time we are strangers in our personal lives. It was so much fun getting to sit back and see how she operates on a daily basis.

When I got home Saturday, we had a few people over. I was fighting to stay awake while the company was here. The boys were watching the game and playing cards. The girls went to my room to watch TV and hang out. I lasted till about 1 something...barely. I still feel asleep on Kyle's shoulder while company was still over. I think they are used to it though. They knew I had a long day and understood.

I slept in a little today. Isn't it funny how we think we "catch up" on our sleep. It sure felt good though. I was supposed to go take pictures with Candace today, but it ended up getting rainy. I will have to take them sometime this week. I'm taking them for my graduation invitations. I am so excited. She does such a good job already. I can't wait to take them and see the results. I'll make sure to show everyone. I hate we didn't get to take pictures today, but I was able to do my case study that was due today that I hadn't started on. Now, its back to work already tomorrow. I feel like I didn't get a weekend! I was glad though that it was pretty while we were moving Saturday. I do like to feel like I'm doing something and be outside when its like that. If i hadn't helped Kristen move, I would have just sat on the couch and not gotten to enjoy the weather.

Hope everyone has a good week!!

Bad Weather

I haven't had a whole lot going on besides trying to finish up my last couple of weeks in school. I am so excited. I graduate May 8th in Accounting! I have a few more tests and papers to finish though. We finished our last round in our simulation company Tuesday night. My group finished 4/5. Dang! Why can't I ever be #1 or at least 2! If you aren't first, you're last! haha Ricky Bobby. It was one of our better rounds though, so that was good. It was a lot of fun doing it and learning, but I am competitive so I hate to lose.

I am leaving work early today, but not for anything fun! I have a dentist appointment to go to. I'm sure I will get lectured on not flossing like usual. I am hoping that we don't get completely blown away this afternoon. I am hoping it will only be bad thunderstorms with no tornados. I am terrified of them. They've come pretty close several times. I don't like them at all! Here is a glimpse of what is coming our way today. Fun stuff!! There's no place like home!

Happy 60th Birthday Dad!

I've been absent for about a week. I left off with my sad day blog. Since then, my friend Amy's dad was rushed to the hospital for his cancer Monday or Tuesday night. They decided it was time to bring in hospice. He got to go home Friday, but he did not make it but a day if that. He passed away Friday, I believe. His cancer was just too aggressive.

I also attended Damon (DJs) visitation in Decatur Thursday night. There were a lobby full of his young friends with tears in their eyes. His daughter was running around just as beautiful as ever. There were great pictures of him up all around. I dreamed about him this past Saturday.

On to some more exciting news. My dad just celebrated his 60th birthday with us in Tunica!! We had such a good time. We stayed Friday and Saturday night returning on Sunday. It was a nice time to get away for a weekend and especially with the parents. We played the penny slots for a few hours at Sam's Town where we stayed Friday night. The buffet took our money that night. I think Kyle got his $20 worth though with about 2 piles of crab legs, shrimp, and whatever else would fit. I was so sad to watch him and dad eat frog legs! You should know how I feel about that!! I hate to take a picture though. I had never really seen fried frog legs in real life. I was very sad!

Saturday, we ate the buffet again for breakfast. We got ready and went to the overlook on the Muddy Mississippi. It was so cold this weekend, the water was so rough, and it was MUDDY! It was cool to see though. We gambled at Gold Strike for the rest of the day. We ate Smokey Joe's for dad's birthday dinner and headed back to Gold Strike. We didn't really bring any money home, but we had a great time spending it while we were there! We all would win here and there, but then we would just continue to play until it was gone. Overall, I think we had a great weekend. Here are a few cool facts about the year my dad was born.

What Things Cost in 1949:
Car: $1,650
Gasoline: 26 cents/gal
House: $14,500
Bread: 14 cents/loaf
Milk: 84 cents/gal
Postage Stamp: 3 cents
Stock Market: 200
Average Annual Salary: $3,600
Minimum Wage: 40 cents per hour

By August, 2,000,000 sets in US, with 720,000 in New York city alone.

RCA steps up the development of its all-electronic color system.

TV sales expand at a rapid rate -- are 600% ahead of 1948.

DuMont 20" set is reduced to $999.

Laws prohibiting the installation of TVs in automobiles are enacted.

Captain Video debuts on the DuMont Network.

Howdy Doody merchandising tops $11 million for the year.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I LOVE YOU!

Sad day

Today has been a really sad day. I was told first thing this morning when I got to work that a man I work with, his son, committed suicide this past Saturday. Of course that is horrible news for anyone to hear, but I was especially sad. His name is Damon "DJ" Percival. I had a class or two with him at Calhoun a couple of years ago. Since then, I would always see him at Ketchup where he was a waiter. He was always smiling and being so friendly. He would always laugh and point when we saw one another out and say, "You work with my dad!" like he thought I would tell on him for having a good time. He was only 31 or 32. I have been pretty upset about it all day today. No, I did not hang out with him or really talk to him for more than a few minutes. BUT, it still hits close to home for some reason. Its just that feeling of...wow, I remember when he...and could I have done something to help him. I searched him on Facebook this morning and realized I had never ran across him on there or thought to search for him. Seeing all of his status updates should have been a sign for anyone that knew him well. I didn't, so I don't know if I would have, but it will always make me wonder. He was posting all kinds of signs of depression lately. I ask that if you notice any of your friends that seem to be down on themselves, please always take the time to check on them. You never know when your words of advice or just a shoulder to lean on could always be some one's only hope. I was also sad for his family, especially his dad that I work with. He has been in and out of work for his heart. He has congestive heart failure, had a leaky valve now replaced, and recently had a pacemaker put in. He has been having a hard time breathing these last couple of weeks and has been working half days. I know this will be so hard on him. His father, Dave, said he wrote a beautiful suicide note (if that is possible) and wanted to be cremated. He will be cremated and the visitation will be Thursday. He had a beautiful 10 year old daughter. It is so hard to think and wonder what was going on in some one's head when they feel like they have nothing left. I am just so sad. I am sad about a guy that I barely even knew, but someone who always seemed so happy. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read comments from people on his Facebook. I just can't imagine.

If that wasn't enough sad information, I heard several other things that just seemed to make my day even more sad. A lady on my team is going through tough times with her mother who has dementia/Alzheimer's. It is just so sad to hear the stories about her mother. She forgets where she is in her own home and puts things where they don't go. It reminds me of my grandmother and that I should have been there more for her while she was alive. Another thing was that my friend at work, Amy, her father is not doing well. He is battling cancer, and they just found out that it has spread. The last thing I can think of for the sadness today is about a man at work. I do not recall knowing him, but everyone I work with does. I may would remember him if I saw him, but I can't recall who he is. However, his story still makes me sad. He, just like I do monthly, went to the chiropractor. When the chiro twisted his neck to pop it, just like mine does every time, he did something to his spine I believe. He passed out right then and there and had a stroke. He is not old. I am thinking 30-40. He has two small children and a wife. He did live through this, but I believe they said he has had another stroke...but I'm not positive. They sent out an org-wide email that he had written from the hospital. He said that now he has a heart problem and they will be putting in a pacemaker today. He thanked everyone for thinking of him. That really hits close to home even though I don't know him at work. I go to the chiro every month and every month he pops my neck like that. It could happen to me and that is so scary. I don't know what good that does, but I am thinking I will ask mine to stop. This man was fine as far as I know before this happened. One trip to the chiro, and he leaves with a stroke if not more than one, now with a heart problem. I guess all of this sadness to say that we never know how good we have it sometimes. We could be any one of these people, or we could be going through this with someone we know or love. Tell your family and friends how much you love them because you never know when it could be the last time.

I have lost so many people in my life already. I still sometimes am shocked at all of the people I have lost a such a young age. I just wanted to remember them for a minute.

~ Joshua Mark Boyd - my first major tragedy in life. He passed away May 15, 1997 at 15 when I was in the 8th grade. I remember it like it was yesterday. We used to hang out at Newby's Grocery back in the day when it was cool. We would all play pool. We would hang out at his house or he would at ours.

~ Coretta Smith - One of the sweetest girls I went to middle school with. I remember my teacher announcing on the first day of school in 9th grade that she had passed away over the summer. She had cancer and I had no idea. I remember the teddy bear purse she always wore, those kind that zipped up the strap and you could wear on your back. She was so funny and was a big cuddly teddy bear.

~ Anthony Ortiz - passed away while I was still in school. I met him through a boyfriend at the time, but he ended up going to our school for a while. He was hilarious. He was always playing dirty jokes on people. He was notorious for, "Hey, look at my scar." Ha ha!

~ Kurk Nicholas - passed away right after we graduated high school. We had tech class together and would eat at Burger King on the way. He would die laughing every time I complained about the fries there always being "stubbies". He was the prettiest girl in the Ugly Walk, and wanted to be a chef in Atlanta I think.

~ Brad Holladay - passed away while I was living in Colorado around Christmas time either 2001 or 2002. I remember thinking how sad his family would always be at a time that was supposed to be so cheerful. We hung out all the time and he was the owner/breeder of my beautiful pits - Boomer and Serenity. He had a love for them just like I do.

~ Jessica Leigh Luna - what I consider my second biggest tragedy in life. Yes, I had lost all of these previous people, but Jessica was one of my best friends. It left myself regretting that I had not seen or hung out with her in a while before she passed away April 2005. She was the most beautiful person inside and out. She was always there for me to listen to all of my problems. I now wonder if I ever took the time to ask her what hers were. I was too stuck on mine. Wow, talk about tears. I just watched this video. You can also see her memory page. I miss her so much. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEA19kOxs-U. If you go to her page, you can hear her voice from her voicemail. www.jessica-luna.memory-of.com.

~ Grandma - passed away right after Jess and right before Kyle's grandma. I miss not seeing her on the holidays. I wish I was closer with my entire extended family. I don't spend near as much time with them as I should.

~ Nick Gilliam - passed away either right before or after Jess...please forgive me for not remembering. He was one of my little middle school "boyfriends", if you call it that back then. He was a skater boy and was the first to tell me what shants were - part shorts/part pants.

~ Brian Smith - a guy that our group of friends used to hang out with. We always hung out at his house.

~ Clint & Natash O'Steen - passed away together in September 2008. They were high school sweethearts and a couple I was around because my sister hung out with them. They would always come over to the house to hang out and swim.

~ Dan Messineo - passed away in November 2008. He was another one of the old group that my sister used to hang out with. Times change and we all split ways. I was lucky to know all of the older people because my sister was older. Dan was so funny. He always made us laugh and would do anything for me or my sister. He recently worked with my husband and put two and two together that I was Kyle's wife. He was so excited to know that. He loved my family as they loved him as well.

I am so sorry this post has been so sad. I guess just thinking about DJ and his dad, it has really brought up all of these memories. I am sure there are people I didn't remember. I know we have lost so many others, but I wasn't as close friends to all of them. Is there anyone you want to remember? It actually has made me feel better.

Sarah & St. Patty

I'm updating two things in one, which I hate doing. However, I have been extremely busy at work (not that I'm supposed to do it there) and too tired when I get home.


We had Sarah (Say-ruh) a birthday party at our house for her 26th birthday. She is the oldest of our group of friend. I'm not far behind her though. It wasn't a lot of preparing for the party except to clean up the house. Friday night, H and I went to get the groceries for the party. She and I met up with hubby after that to eat some Thai food. I spent Saturday morning mopping the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, and straightening up. I ran out of time before the party started because my day was packed. I got up early to clean, had a hair appointment (that lasts hours), then had to stop by DQ to get the delicious ice cream cake. I got home in time to straighten up a little more before it seemed like it was time to prepare food.

We had rotel cheese dip, H's special layer dip *yum*, dogs, burgers, brats, chips, and two liters. Oh, I almost forgot a mini-keg for the beer games and JELLO shots! Fun stuff! A friend of mine that I haven't hung out with in years came for the party. I was so excited. It was so good to see her. I really miss hanging out with her, but she has 3 beautiful daughters to take care of now. So, I completely understand. We started off our night testing the Jello shots...or shall I say Jello blobs? Kyle called them jello aliens. It was my first attempt making them and forgot to buy cups. So, I just used ice cube trays and we shot them with spoons. Ha! It worked though, but boy were they strong! After a few of those to warm up your cheeks, we finally played some beer pong. I swear I used to be good, but not that night. I don't know what happened?? We ended up playing flip cup so that everyone that wanted could play. Girls totally ruled the boys!



After a few of these drinks, choking down some food, and eating the ice cream cake...came the ice cream fight? Jessi decides to smash a piece of cake into Sarah's face which then resulted in a handful of the cake from Sarah into Jessi's face. See cake below. Ha! Nice hand swipe in it. We all had a great time hanging out, having a few drinks, playing cards, and listening to music. I'm pretty sure Sarah had a great birthday, because she told me several times "This is the best birthday ever!" ha! I'm so glad she had fun. Thanks to Heather for helping make this party possible.




St. Patty's day was pretty good. H, D, Kyle, and I went downtown for the "block party". I was a little confused, because the block was not blocked off like I thought it was. It was the same bars that are always open. I don't get it. Anyway, we headed upstairs to grab us a table where we ordered some grub and had a couple of drinks. They didn't have green beer for us to drink. What is up with that? Instead I got a mango and apple martini. By the apple one, they had ran out of glasses, so see below how I got my drink. We then headed to see a band that was playing and paid $10 to get in. The band didn't start forever, and it ended up being a hippy band. It was definitely interesting. I never heard them say a word, they just played the keyboard and drums. They had a guy in the background painting a picture while they played. The only thing I could figure out is that maybe he draws whatever the music makes him feel? I'm not really sure. I had never seen that before. We left Kyle there to hang out more, because H and I were sleepy. I still got home pretty early, so that I was not worn out at work the next day.


Work has been extremely busy because one of the three of us have been out this week. An organization keeps authorization folks to spend some money, and I have been busy! Stop giving money away!! j/k Its job security. At least I have been busy. I was afraid with everyone gone on spring break that it would be so slow that I would be bored. No true....at all. Speaking of spring break, I only have 4 weeks of school left!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow! Crazy! I will soon be a true Accountant!! Well, if you can call me that without me having a CPA. I don't want that at all. I am not even sure I want to be an accountant any more, but it is a degree and I will take it!!

Hope everyone has a good weekend coming up! I am back to school next week then off to Tunica for my dad's 60th birthday. Awww I can't believe it! He will always be 45 to me. I don't know why. I am so excited to be going on this trip with them. I am really sad my sister can't make it. It will be the first family vacation since I was like 5. I am so excited. I'm so excited for dad to get to have some fun instead of work all the time. I'm hoping it will be a fun and relaxing weekend for him and that we don't lose too much money. I can't wait!

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am such a good friend that I did not eat macaroni in front of Heather while she was at my house Thursday. I would never be rude and eat in front of her when she had not had dinner either. Nope, Not me! (I still feel bad.)

I would never put a friend (Heather, again – Sorry) through going to pick out eye glasses in Wal-Mart with me, AFTER we had just shopped for groceries for 30 minutes. Nope, Not me!

I am so good at playing beer pong that I never get tipsy from playing, because I never have to drink any of the cups. Nope, not me!

I would never fall asleep on the couch while hosting a party at my house. Nope, not me!

I did not put my pop tart in the toaster this morning and wonder why it was taking so long before realizing that the power strip was turned off. Nope, not me!

I was not excited that Sarah left her ice cream cake at my house, nor did I eat any of it yesterday. Nope, Not me!

I would never leave my garage a mess after a party at the house on a Sunday, when I have all day to do it. Nope, Not me!

I am sure there are lots more things that I can't remember that I DIDN'T do this past week. I'll have to save them for next Monday. What did you not do?